Intelligent People, Can't be happy.

I spent a few years, Reaching out to people that needed to be fixed. It could of been from a heart break, Life lesson, or just an emotional pitt that they can't get out of & You know what I just realized I need to put that same effort & time into the man in the mirror because people are starting to complain on how cold I've gotten & quite frankly it's starting to worry them but not me. I believe this is the course life wants me to take I'm changing as a person & I'm allowing people to complain on my current decisions when before I would alter my character to keep my "Circle" happy with ME! Even when it mean't not being happy with me, So if you ever question my loyalty just know I've suffered more than half a decade & I'm still smiling on the fact my people are happy. When I say put "time & effort" into myself I mean accepting the new me & representing it to everybody who is so accustomed to me being everything they wanted me to be for them, I was being taken advantage of by people who I thought would NEVER hurt me, So a lesson for the books "The people you think highly of, Can do the most damage"& it never got to the point where I was crying on how life & people sucked because I'm over that phase, I picked up all the pieces & moved on, Thats all it takes now. Don't question my love for anybody either, I'm truly convinced that my love is rare & this isn't my ego typing honestly it really is RARE & I say its rare because I haven't let anybody receive it!! Everyone gets a different portion of my love but not the REAL thing that will probably have me on one knee counting my blessings in the eyes of the woman I'm spending forever with. My mother says I've been in this state of mind where (Everything & everybody is annoying me) & It's true.... Only because people aren't who they truly are & its starting to tick me off. STOP trying to impress me & somehow gain my acceptance I'm not GOD although at times I feel I'm GOD in a different aspect of living that we as people dont even visit which is ?????...... Point is show me YOU the real YOU, & when you do there is not promise I'll do the same, I wan't to remain a mystery I wan't people to be eager on what exactly goes on in my head, I wan't you all to believe that I'm miserable in my own skin not for attention but to teach you that even the strongest of all minds have different types of emotions that they aren't afraid to share & that alone doesn't make them "Emo" & this probably doesn't make sense because if it did!! It would take away my interest of remaining a MYSTERY .....

Love them, Hahah

Nothing could ever phase me, except you

I was on the floor before I could ever say nice to meet you

I wanted every sentence, every word, and every breath to end with you

I want to turn you into literature 

I want to turn you into the all the colors my eyes have ever met

I want to turn you into the cold wind that sends chills down my spine 

Just so I could have you in every way possible

I want you so close to me I cant breath 

I want you to be so far from me that my entire body aches from how much it misses you

I want to turn our entire story into a crossword, a jumble of thousands of letters and punctuation marks 

Just to see if we, together could make sense of it and find our way back to each other

I want to keep all these silly dreams of us from you just as bad as I want you to be the only one in them. 

You wouldn't understand.

Mj said..